Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
