I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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