I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
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