Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
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