Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
