Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
