Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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