dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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