You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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