ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Randomize
