he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Randomize
