So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
People with herpes should wear stickers.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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