that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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