***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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