you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
