ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
