Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Randomize
