You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
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