the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Randomize
