You don't have asthma, your pregnant
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
