Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
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