I think I just saw someone hide a body.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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