Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
