He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
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