I'm so fucking centered right now
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
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