god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
