so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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