Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
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