Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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