I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
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My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
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A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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