i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
