i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
