I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
