Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
