I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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