Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
