wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
