hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Randomize
