can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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