Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
