I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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