Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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