Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
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You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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