Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
