Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
His nipple licking is glorious
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