I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
