Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
