I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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