C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
