I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
