just tell him i said nine months
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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