Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
my shit smells like andre
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Randomize
