Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
i think my cat just said my name.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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