Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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