Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
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