This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
