wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Randomize
