summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
