The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
