After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
