New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
