Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
