im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
